The big 23

Just the other day I was reading a post by a fellow blogger on turning 30 and how she cried almost every day thinking about it. Suddenly it dawned on me, I was turning 23 in a few days,  precisely in less than two days.

23 is no way a milestone, but it in fact is a constant reminder that you are inching towards one, hiding in 25. You are now moving closer to having all the symptoms of what they call- a quarter life crisis?  Plus I prefer even number to odd ones..I am sure I will enjoy my 24th, 26, 28th but not the 23rd, 25th and 29th etc etc.

When you are 23 the least expected out of you is to have found a boy to spend the rest of your life with. But in my case, that certainly doesn't seem to be happening anytime soon. The next is to have a stable career, which I do now..to have friends to get drunk with, which I do...to have a car, umm ok lets not get there.. The point is, by this time people expect you to have figured it all out. But guess what, I still haven't. And it is ok, because life is more than just crossing milestones, it is about the journey itself.

And the only song I can think of to sum up this feeling is 'Moving on' by Soulmate.

(More will follow on how the day went)

In Paris with you- James Fenton

Just the other day I read this  poem again, may be for the millionth time. And still it charms me the same way it did, the first time I read it.

 In Paris with You

 Don’t talk to me of love.  I’ve had an earful
 And I get tearful when I’ve downed a drink or two.
 I’m one of your talking wounded.
 I’m a hostage. I’m maroonded.
 But I’m in Paris with you.

 Yes, I’m angry at the way I’ve been bamboozled
 And resentful at the mess that I’ve been through.
 I admit I’m on the rebound
 And I don’t care where are we bound.
 I’m in Paris with you.

 Do you mind if we do not go to the Louvre,
 If we say sod off to sodding Notre Dame
 If we skip the champs Elysees
 And remain here in this sleazy
 Old hotel room
 Doing this or that
 To what and whom
 Learning who you are,
 Learning what I am.

 Don’t talk to me of love. Let’s talk of Paris,
 The little bit of Paris in our view.
 There’s that crack across the ceiling
 And the hotel walls are peeling
 And I’m in Paris with you.

 Don’t talk to me of love.  Let’s talk of Paris.
 I’m in Paris with the slightest thing you do.
 I’m in Paris with your eyes, your mouth,
 I’m in Paris with…..all points south.
 Am I embarrassing you?
 I’m in Paris with you.

-- James Fenton

Conversations

Do you think I am crazy?

No

I think you are eccentric

You are what I would call walking into an abyss

I never know where my conversations are headed when I am with you and am not even complaining, I quite enjoy that about you.

Oh, you are just saying that because you want me to feel ok

No, why would I do that. I have nothing to lose. I know you quite like me already

How can you be so confident?

I see that when you look at me, I see that when you touch yourself nervously, I see that when you keep looking away after catching my attention, I see that when you blush, I see that when words come out of your mouth all mixed up.

I guess you must know women really well

I would like to say I know them well enough to spot the one I would fall for

Are you saying that you are falling for me

Well what if I am

Then I would say you are crazy
*kiss*

Deja Vu (though am not very fond of the word)

It freaks me out when certain films seem like my life playing out on screen. Does that happen to you?
And it's weird because I have seen 'Suburban Girl' before and never thought about it that way, until it ended the way a certain episode in my life did. 
So Brett (an associate editor at a NY publishing house) falls madly in love with much older, much successful Archie (Baldwin being his usual charming self) and figures out how wrong the whole affair turned for her. 
Also the film features one of my favourite songs, 
"Here's the day you hoped would never come
Don’t feed me violence, just run with me
Through rows of speeding cars
The paper cuts, the cheating lovers
The coffee’s never strong enough
I know you think it’s more than just bad luck

There, there, baby
It’s just text book stuff
It’s in the ABC of growing up
Now, now, darlin’
Oh don’t lose your head
'Cause none of us were angels
And you know I love you, yeah"

I remember saying this to my friends once, " I know, it's nuts, but when I'm with him I feel like a better version of myself... You know? Funnier, smarter, sexier."
Of course the film did not end all that happy but most importantly like Brett says, "Because you like to run away. It's part of who you are". 

RIP: Sony Walkman (1978-2010)

 As the iconic Walkman lies in the death throes today, I mourn and weep profusely by remembering what it meant to own a Walkman in those days.


For anyone who grew up in India in the 80s, the walkman is synonymous with collecting numerable audio cassettes of Kenny G or the U2. Almost every teenager could be spotted walking around with the bulky player strapped onto their waists until much slimmer versions were launched by Sony. Just like your first pair of Ray Ban Wayfarers or the Reebok shoes, Sony Walkman was a must have in the post liberalized India.

Legend has it that the walkman was conceived by an audio engineer, Nobutoshi Kihara for Sony Chairman Akio Morito, who wanted to listen to his favourite operas on long international flight journeys. Would you ever buy it if it were to be called ‘Stowaway’ or ‘Soundabout’? Thanks to the popularity of Superman in those days, Walkman came to be named. Though the makers hated the name Walkman, they had to stick to it as expensive promotional campaign had already begun. But soon it became the most loved gadget across the globe. With almost 220 million cassette players sold so far, the Sony Walkman is unarguably the most loved gadget of our times.

A steep drop in sales has forced Sony to stop the production from their Japanese manufacturing unit after the last batch is off shelves. Though officials at Sony say they will continue production from their unit in China, till they see a demand mostly coming from Europe and some Asian countries. So don’t bury your walkman dreams as yet. As customers are increasingly switching to the portable, sleek and compact designs, it was only evident that Sony took the decision of putting an end to production of this much adored gadget across generations. Are they still available even if the production has stopped? Curiosity got me onto the metro and hop off at Karol Bagh to walk down to Gaffar Market. I was still looking for the lost ruins of the immortal Walkman. After hours at the maze-like neighborhood I ended up in shop no. 40 and was greeted by a Chinese Walkman look-alike called ‘Super’, half the price but not even half as charming as the original.


In 1979, when it was first launched, journalists were given Walkmans and were asked to walk around listening to explanation on them. Though it gathered poor response initially, kids in Britain had already started to demand a walkman from their parents a year later. I remember my first brick sized Walkman that grandfather reluctantly purchased for me. It was the 90s by the time I got hold of them; also because that’s when I started listening to what I now call music that defined me. By now Walkmans had become cheaper, more celebrated possessions and less bulky. When it was a few years old and the play button had by now been worn out due to overuse, I stuck it together with sellotape and we were happy to rock and roll again. No product would ever come close to capturing what it meant being a teenager in the 80s.


During long train journeys I remember getting off stations to load up on lithium batteries to get my humble set going. I have come a long way since then, now I use the Sony Walkman W series that looks very futuristic and nothing like the original Walkman. I remember how I used to tire out all my A sides and would often not end up moving to the B side.


Soon the walkman was succeeded by the Compact Disc players. Cousins from America would be kind enough to bring me CDs of Pearl Jam and Nirvana to add to my collection. It soon became fashionable to boast of a CD collection. The Walkman came as big relief for most teenagers as it gave them some moments of solitude from prying eyes of the elders. This gadget liberated us like no other by making the listening experience easy and on the go.


A friend described the Walkman, ‘a seminal piece of technology’ remising fond memories of making mix tapes for his sweetheart and labeling them with love notes right through his teenage years. But today all our music is stored digitally on swanky iPods and other digital music players. The walkman was a huge influence on the popular culture. It was almost like the iPod of the 80s. It won’t be long before a walkman becomes a collectors’ item and is sold for not less than a few thousands at Chor Bazaar.

Right now

I hate loathe being taken for granted. It is settling in quick and I do not like it one bit. Just because I am not obnoxiously upfront doesn’t mean I do not mind, it just means I am being patient. And one should under no condition test it beyond a point. Do not drive me to do things I don’t want to because if I do, I won’t regret them under this condition. I see no wrong in it right now.



I don’t scream or shout. I am not difficult. All I ask for is a little bit of this and that which comes for no money. All it takes is a red heart. A big one.


I am not threatening or warning. I am simply speaking to my blog.

The Parisienne

4.30 pm Paris: While braving the heavy graffiti laden walls in the outskirts I caught glimpses of the mighty tower and it seemed nothing close to romantic. I let out a deep sigh and turned away to browsing my Ipod. Though my eyes weren't on it anymore, my mind was still unknowingly lingering over it. I wasn't even close to being mesmerized but a frail thought of disappointment started settling in. I quickly diverted my attention to the old buildings and even the more modern tall ones which reminded me so much of Bombay. So much was written and said about the Eiffel tower before. Tall claims from friends and reviews by other travelers who gave the testimonials of it being the perfect mush spot. And there I saw it stand in all its steel glory in a blackish grey garb just like a tombstone- pale and dead. It just stood amidst life as a silent observer.
In the next 20 minutes I was in the middle of busy Parisian roads trying to reach the main center for a good French meal.


10.30 pm Paris: Within hours of being around the same place suddenly I felt as if I had traveled thousands of kilometers and was transported to a different world altogether. The Paris of the crazy , hot afternoon was nothing like the Paris of night rather twilight, considering it get darker only after 11.30 pm in the summers. Rows of light in different shapes, sizes and colours spread out through the entire city, till eyes could find a boundary. Like twinkling little stars they shone as I made my way to the Eiffel again. This time my eyes transfixed on its beauty, she looked like a beautiful bride almost ready to walking down the aisle.


The clock struck 11 and there was a sudden urgency in the air, people turned towards the tower and there it looked as if someone had infused it with kilohertz of life. She sparkled, twinkled, dazzled for five minutes and those were the best five minutes of my life. What would have been more perfect if I had that someone to share a little French kiss with and then probably I could have claimed to live the French way :)

I love metaphors

What could be the worst kind of self-realisation? Mine is more like a one act play. It sort of brings me down at times, I have no one to blame. It starts with me and ends with me. I drag along others to play their part, sometimes they fit the bill but most of the times their presence just fucks up my script. It turns out to be quite a play. Real emotions, tears and resonating evil laughter in the hall. There is always a bad guy and I play that role really well. In the end you know who wins? The bad guy is aware of my Achilles heel, the bad guy knows that I am vulnerable, impulsive and an ugly thinker. I do not wish to repeat the show anymore. It was a bad script, just like a bad nightmare.

0-0

Recently when a Turkish hacker kind of equalized twitter with 0 followers and 0 following, many felt lonely and many egos were shattered. So this sounds a little silly, a bug sends you in a tizzy and you start consulting a psychiatrist? Are we so dependent on twitter to satisfy our already inflated ego?



So when Ashton Kutcher went up to the mirror to check him, those with a few numbers of followers were secretly happy. They were all equal for a few hours. Such a waste of time no? Ever thought how many people in real life think you are cool? How many in real life respect you for what you are and not just one of the herd?



This is what prompted this post:- shekharkapur: U guys all there? For sum reason my twitter a/c shows zero followers suddenly. U think I’ve been hacked? (on his twitter page)

Special one

Some incidents teach you rather big lessons in life. I have learnt one today, it doesn’t matter how many read what you write, how many understand and how many acknowledge. When what you write touches one heart, it matters. When what you write makes a difference to a life, it matters. When what you write brings a smile on someone’s face, it matters. These are the people who matter and when they read, its more than enough. This one was for you Bani.



Wishing you oodles of much deserved love.

Something I did - II

Too much has already been said and nothing can be written more. I love them a lot and no its not a shoe:P

The ugly missy

I saw her name in red neon.
The woman who has an ugly green toungue and she speaks all blue.
Her mind is the dark of a dungeon and her heart is a solid grey.
She wears a filthy yellow while she carries a gory expression.

:-)

They always give me a reason to smile..every morning definitely

10 tips on “How to survive a long distance relationship”

Being in a long distance relationship is as good as being single without availing the advantages of being single. So what does one do, when you are in one?




1. Communicate- In a long distance relationship, it is important you communicate with your boyfriend/girlfriend as often as possible. Keep them updated about your activities, make them feel a part of it. But also remember do not over-communicate. With the perks of web 2.0, social networking, instant messaging can be done at the click of a tab, but remember having someone popping up every now and then may not be always surprising.


2. Make plans together- It is given that you as a couple do not meet often. So make plans for the time you would be together like watch films, play scrabble, cook a meal. There can be a million things that you could do together. This would keep you going till the time you guys are actually with each other. Whether the plans work or no is a different thing, but the wait is made more fun.


3. Spell it out- In a long distance relationship it is not possible for your girlfriend or boyfriend to predict your mood swings, highs and lows. Sometimes coincidences happen, but not always. Express yourself, tell your boyfriend/girlfriend about things that may be bothering you, emote, talk, and seek advice.


4. Give surprises- It is always nice to receive a bunch of flowers or a CD of your favourite artist as a gift. Do small little things to make each other feel special. Even if it is just writing a letter or sending a postcard.


5. Be consistent- The initial few months of a relationship are the best and are sure meant to be treasured. But why not make every moment special? It is obvious that on certain days you would be busy, you might not give each other enough time, but try and compensate for it.


6. Appreciate- If your partner is going out of his/her way to make an effort, appreciate it and most importantly reciprocate. There is nothing worse than no acknowledgement. All of us need a little motivation, it could be this.


7. Listen and not just hear- It is important that when your boyfriend/girlfriend is expressing something, you listen with utmost concentration. You wouldn’t want your girlfriend to go, “Are you even listening to me?”, while your mind is on the Pizza Hut menu card or a football match. Understand what your boyfriend/girlfriend is trying to convey. Do not make stupid remarks, it could be very irritating.


8. Sex talk- This is the most important. It is important you keep the anticipation heightened for the time you are together. Talk about things you want to do, discuss your fantasies (about each other), appreciate each other’s qualities in bed.


9. Enjoy when together- Forget all worries, live in the moment, go with the flow. When you are together, enjoy each other’s company, make the most of the time you have. Those two days away from the routine and being together will never come back. Make it special, worth remembering, till the time you see each other again.


10. Accept the situation- You cannot dismiss the fact that you are in a long distance relationship. Do not regret, do not let your partner feel it is their fault. Stay away from going on a guilt trip, start accepting the situation. The sooner, the better. It sucks, we all know that. But stop cribbing and start acting on the 9 tips above.


PS: PMSing sometimes makes me think better, now that’s something like a self discovery.


(A stupid thought at 4 am in the morning led to this post.)