A page from my diary

I thought a lot before posting this one, but had to because I have promised to keep this blog as open and true as I can. This blog started out three years back with the purpose of being a friend, who is always listening, but like any relationship we went through our ups and downs. But now we are back with a bang like many other relationships in my life.

The state that am in right now whether happy or sad is because of certain things that I have seen, felt and heard.

Here is a page from my diary:

“I want to be your everything” he texted, I stopped midway while crossing a busy street, thankfully dint get run over. Read and read it again, my eyes welled up a bit. I looked around and smiled to myself and walked away. I thought about my reply to him for quite some time, couldn’t find the right one, but at the same time did not want to just let the moment go. Days passed, we got closer, and we spoke more. I was still looking for an appropriate answer.
I suppose my heart always knew the reply, I just did not have the courage to accept it. I was scared of being hurt, though I have never tasted the feeling but I had heard horrible stories for sure. Today I know what I want. I want YOU!
I have never been happier, friends have never seen me this way before. What have you done to me? I never wanted to fall for you, but couldn’t stop myself anymore. Yes I have fallen for you, “head over feet” . I hope none of this ever changes.
Can you hear me calling
Out your name
You know that am falling
And I don’t know what to say

7th December 4.30 pm:- found my answer, I said it, “I LOVE YOU”. He was quiet for a few seconds and a million questions rose in my mind. I waited for him to say something, and he hugged me, I got my answer. I think I have never felt this way before. I am in love and it feels like heaven. All wrong seem right, there is an undying faith that keeps me from feeling downbeat about anything.
There are certain things in life that you have to do to be happy. You may think of me as a selfish person, but being happy shouldn’t be called selfish. I want to live for myself. You have taught me to love, but now I want to share this love with someone I think deserves it, I want to love him with all my heart. I will always be thankful to you for everything, for loving me so unconditionally, for making me feel special, for being there whenever I need. I know am going to hell for hurting you but I want to live happy at least till I die and go to hell. I have lied to myself several times, but the truth is I got to stop this. You may be perfect for me, but I am not. I am not the one for you. And I had to do this for you as well, I don’t want to continue being with you and put you through this lie, because at the end of the day its just pretence. You know me, I can’t pretend, I can’t pretend to be in love when I am not.
My heart is aching thinking about what you are going through at this point. I know you will get over me soon. I hope you do….. Will never forget you!