MENTAL CONSTIPATION

It is getting increasingly difficult with each passing day. The more I try to fight, the more I see myself losing. Never in my wildest dream did I think that I will turn into an escapist, but that identity seems to be creeping in. I am thoroughly conscious of this gradual change but helpless to do anything about it. Escaping seems the ultimate, the only solution.
Sometimes I feel miserable for being such a fool, for choosing such an easy way out. But when not a single soul stands by you and you feel as if you are hanging by a twig of a tree from a cliff, all you have to do is fall down, break your limbs or even die. Why I am not entitled to a little happiness? Something that I would want to do, something that would make me jump with joy. Every day brings in the same amount of pressure in college, pressure to perform...pressure to excel, live up to expectations, behave your best when in front of strangers. Behave like a grown up with your loved ones; behave like a mature person with your friends…so when do I get to be myself? Why am I supposed to understand everything? Why can’t I be a little cranky, demanding? Why do I have to always give in to your dumbass excuses? Why why why????
It’s so stupid…today I have to talk to this fucking inanimate blog about my complains? When will all the humans around me clean the wax from their ears and open their eyes? God, please send me one of your trusting angels…please. I need one here very badly! In fact I just realized that my posts have all been very depressing. Aaarrrggghhhhh!!!!