It is getting increasingly difficult with each passing day. The more I try to fight, the more I see myself losing. Never in my wildest dream did I think that I will turn into an escapist, but that identity seems to be creeping in. I am thoroughly conscious of this gradual change but helpless to do anything about it. Escaping seems the ultimate, the only solution.
Sometimes I feel miserable for being such a fool, for choosing such an easy way out. But when not a single soul stands by you and you feel as if you are hanging by a twig of a tree from a cliff, all you have to do is fall down, break your limbs or even die. Why I am not entitled to a little happiness? Something that I would want to do, something that would make me jump with joy. Every day brings in the same amount of pressure in college, pressure to perform...pressure to excel, live up to expectations, behave your best when in front of strangers. Behave like a grown up with your loved ones; behave like a mature person with your friends…so when do I get to be myself? Why am I supposed to understand everything? Why can’t I be a little cranky, demanding? Why do I have to always give in to your dumbass excuses? Why why why????
It’s so stupid…today I have to talk to this fucking inanimate blog about my complains? When will all the humans around me clean the wax from their ears and open their eyes? God, please send me one of your trusting angels…please. I need one here very badly! In fact I just realized that my posts have all been very depressing. Aaarrrggghhhhh!!!!
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Saturday, July 26, 2008
#%$^&%^*^&$#
It took hardly 24 hours for anti social elements in the country to strike again. Yesterday Bangalore was targeted and today Ahmedabad was victimized. As a pattern mostly smaller centers have been targeted time and again. After Varanasi, Jaipur, Hyderabad it has turned to other cities.
In Ahmedabad all BJP majority areas have been targeted and our dear politicians have already started playing the blame game. It’s apathetic to stoop down to such a level where our leaders see election as an agenda rather than trying to help their countrymen. All these blasts are low intensity which indicates that the only aim is to spread panic than cause loss of life and property.
Media also plays a major role in politicizing the issue. Usually in such cases they often dial up the opposition for their strong views on the issue, which further fans the fire. And we as people who sit in front of our idiot boxes are left with the option of wither cursing such anti social elements or of sending smses to television channels increasing their revenue.
It pains me to see how as a part of this system and media I can only blog or debate to vent out my anger.
In Ahmedabad all BJP majority areas have been targeted and our dear politicians have already started playing the blame game. It’s apathetic to stoop down to such a level where our leaders see election as an agenda rather than trying to help their countrymen. All these blasts are low intensity which indicates that the only aim is to spread panic than cause loss of life and property.
Media also plays a major role in politicizing the issue. Usually in such cases they often dial up the opposition for their strong views on the issue, which further fans the fire. And we as people who sit in front of our idiot boxes are left with the option of wither cursing such anti social elements or of sending smses to television channels increasing their revenue.
It pains me to see how as a part of this system and media I can only blog or debate to vent out my anger.
Sunday, July 13, 2008
A shot!!
It’s been quite a while since I have actually poured my heart out. I have a certain problem with explaining people certain things, may be am too blunt, or I don’t make sense, or people just don’t get it. Lot of times I end up getting frustrated putting across a certain point which ultimately drives me to the extent that I feel like jumping off my building or hang myself to the ceiling fan. But it’s quite strange how few people just have this knack of understanding every bit you say without asking for any further explanations. My Devil, yeah that’s you...My all time favourite agony uncle! Love you so much for being there. I know I exploit our association and take you for granted but am sure you won’t complain. Yes it is quite a relief to know that someone has brains to understand what the fuck you are talking about.
In spite of having hundreds of friends, one feels lonely. There have been times when my parents have irritated me or people close to me have hurt me and at such times I have felt highly remorseful. Even to share a bit of that anger I haven’t been able to find a single genuine good listener. I felt as if I was going to burden a person by telling him/her about my feelings more importantly my sadness. So I chose not to let anyone know and tried to be happy. I am a kind of person who wouldn’t make a huge hue and cry about something and even if I do it will always wear off within minutes. Not that I don’t enjoy sharing but the only problem is that people tend to misinterpret my perception of my own problem which later on becomes problematic during the course of the discussion. For example like yesterday I was telling a friend how I seem to have lost few goals that I had set for myself, few short term goals. And he thought I was suggesting him through my example that he is a loser. These are the times when I feel like an idiot for having initiated a conversation.
I think it’s high time I make a list of things I am often accused of:-
“1) You are hyper and very impulsive.
2 You take things on its face value
3) You complain a lot.
4) You think a lot.
5) You need to loosen up a little.”
This is generally what people around me most of the time tell me. I accept everything and I also try to make a conscious effort of avoiding these instincts.
This post was just a random shot. So I wrote about a host of things. Right from relationships, to human behaviour, to things that I observe and the list might just continue till I feel I am drained out. Till the next one…
Cheers
In spite of having hundreds of friends, one feels lonely. There have been times when my parents have irritated me or people close to me have hurt me and at such times I have felt highly remorseful. Even to share a bit of that anger I haven’t been able to find a single genuine good listener. I felt as if I was going to burden a person by telling him/her about my feelings more importantly my sadness. So I chose not to let anyone know and tried to be happy. I am a kind of person who wouldn’t make a huge hue and cry about something and even if I do it will always wear off within minutes. Not that I don’t enjoy sharing but the only problem is that people tend to misinterpret my perception of my own problem which later on becomes problematic during the course of the discussion. For example like yesterday I was telling a friend how I seem to have lost few goals that I had set for myself, few short term goals. And he thought I was suggesting him through my example that he is a loser. These are the times when I feel like an idiot for having initiated a conversation.
I think it’s high time I make a list of things I am often accused of:-
“1) You are hyper and very impulsive.
2 You take things on its face value
3) You complain a lot.
4) You think a lot.
5) You need to loosen up a little.”
This is generally what people around me most of the time tell me. I accept everything and I also try to make a conscious effort of avoiding these instincts.
This post was just a random shot. So I wrote about a host of things. Right from relationships, to human behaviour, to things that I observe and the list might just continue till I feel I am drained out. Till the next one…
Cheers
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