ACHIEVED!!! HURAAAAHHH

Turning nineteen wasnt all that exciting as I had imagined it to be. I though there'd be a pool of beer outside my house, I though I would be able to puff packs and packs of ciggies, I though I would be able to do whatever I wanted, I thought I could race my car on Carter road at night, I though I could get drunk and not come
back home at all. Ahhhh. But nothing of that sort happened. All I did was, get up early morning to receive calls from friends and relatives and spent the entire day doing just that. Yeah, not to forget a quiet lunch with friends and a great dinner with my folks. I dont know why I am blogging about my birthday which happened almost like ages ago, but suddenly today I feel like a grown up. More like those magical lightening kind of realizations shown in sci-fi!
Today I feel a heavy responsibility of a grown up, I feel mature and liable. After an year of becoming an adult, I finally feel like one. There is a sense of urgency to do things as if the world is going to end tomorrow. Claustrophobia coupled with excitment and a lot of other things are turning me upside down or downside up or
something like that, something that I am not able to make enough sense of. I feel tormented, frustrated and harrowed to the extent of running somehwere deep inside
woods. Many times I feel the adrenaline rush of sitting on a huge giant wheel awaiting an unexpected rush, a sudden jerk and then a smooth ride. Life has never been so uncertain, trust me. I am sure I am not going to read this blog entry after posting it because it will remind me of all these emotions that I am trying to keep away from. It will remind me of how unsure my thought flow is at this point that there is no distinct connection between how I started off writing and where I am going to end this. But for a change I am not feeling bound, am not feeling ruled. I am typing words and leaving the rest to make some sense on its own. I know I have failed miserably to channelise my thoughts but I am liking this failure. It is more like doing things in the moment, wow!!!! am finally in the present. After 100-150 odd desperate words, I am in the PRESENT.

Cheers!
xx